Honesty

I'm writing about something I've written about a LOT lately. Rachael's speech delay. I seriously cannot tell you how many emotions I have on this subject, all of them negative. I truly, truly, feel like a terrible mom on a daily basis. Not because she isn't talking, but because I feel like I can't try any longer. It is so frustrating to want to play a game with your child only to have both of you get so frustrated that mom ends up in tears and the kid wonders what is going on and starts bringing mom tissues (so sweet, by the way). I want to teach colors, shapes, have her sing songs with me, but I can only take so much of her saying, "Wah" every time I ask her a question. Nate and I have stopped asking her what everything is. I've decided to put a halt on my potty training efforts. Its terrible, but I think, "What's the point? She's not going to do it." (Bad mom feelings again.) Interactive reading, singing songs, asking questions, none of these things do anything other than make me frustrated and emotional. We're going to stop asking and hope that she stops feeling pressure and just talks. And people telling me stories about how their niece/nephew, son/daughter, Einstein didn't talk until they were four really don't make me feel any better. These feelings are truly absorbing my life. I can't focus on the joy of being pregnant, preparing for the baby, on moving, on anything other than my frustration.